Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo
Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
Theres Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma n Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And Im HD-ready
So I flip
Garbage is all Im getting
Theres Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
Theyre dyin, wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel
Shows based on reality
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Ozzys family
Sho loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No, they live happily
Yo
Plus "Da Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh, and theres Anna Nicole
Well, shes scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities"
Oh, its a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
"Youre gonna lose your mind watchin TV" They told me, theyd scold me
But Id still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
"Youre gonna lose your mind watchin TV"
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)
Im gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
(Youre gonna)
My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King
To "24" to "Law And Order"
The Weather Channels boring like "60 Minutes"s ancient reporters
Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, theyve already been namin
"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame n
So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I cant believe Richard Simmons aint in it
Ill move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet
I watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go Mahna Mahna
"Youre gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, theyd scold me
But Id still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
"Youre gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
Im looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
(Youre Gonna)
Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"
Ive seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"
But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day
Wish I hadnt cause TiVo now thinks Im gay
Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make em watch all of that junk til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eatin fools on "Survivor"
Look theres James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And theres "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus theres "MacGyver"
And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey theres Luke Perry on a
Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"
Wanna turn on "E.T." cause Im a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin this week
A 30 second spot
Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"
I forgot
I love shows with or without a plot
Ill stare til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
One brain to rot
Im gonna spend my life watching television a lot
"Youre gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, theyd scold me
But Id still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
"Youre gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)
(Youre gonna)
You can watch anything you want to, man
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